Monthly Archives: June 2012

The A to Z of What Good Dads Do (VWXYZ) Day 7 of 7

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It’s been 8 days since Father’s Day.  The challenge of The A to Z of What Good Dads Do was to make this Father’s Day a launching pad to grow as a father in the coming year.  The past 8 days was about preparing for that challenge.  Here is the recap followed by the final 5 letters (VWXYZ).

L – Love (everything starts here)

A -Attitude

B – Best Effort

C- Courage

D – Discipline

E – Encouraging

F – Faithful

G – Gracious

H – Helpful

I – Imaginative

J – Joyful

K – Kind

M – Modeling

N – No excuses

O – Observe

P – Perseverance

Q – Question

R – Reliable

S – Safe

T – Thankful

U – United

 
V – Vulnerable
Good dad’s are never perfect.  You will make plenty of mistakes, and when you do, you should admit it.  You will say things you shouldn’t, and when you  do you should apologize.  Being  vulnerable doesn’t  undermine your authority as a parent, it strengthens it.  Your kids will learn that honesty and integrity are important to healthy authentic relationships.  Vulnerability doesn’t mean you expose every  weakness to your child (use your discretion) but it does mean  you show  your kids that you are a human too.   They will appreciate your humility and respect you more for it.   Developing your relationship with your kids is ultimately more important than manipulating behavior. Being vulnerable helps achieve this.
W – Words

Your words will build up or they  will tear down.  Your words will bring healing or cause injury.  Your words will bring peace  or start a  war.  Your words will bring life or death.

It may sound extreme but  it’s true.  There are no neutral words.  They either are adding or taking away.  Be aware of how powerful your words are and the affect that they have on your family.  Words live on forever.  Once they are spoken they can’t be taken back.  Speak words of life, love, hope, peace, comfort, and encouragement.

X – X – Factor

Dads play a vital role in the development of their children.  Kids with present fathers have higher self esteem than those who don’t.  They are more likely to form healthy life long relationships.  They are less likely to end up  abusing alcohol, drugs, or prescription medicines.  They are less likely to  exhibit violent or criminal behavior.  They are less likely to  end up in gangs or wind up in jail.  The presence of a good, loving, and active father is the x-factor for your kids.   Without you your kids are missing an important variable that makes them complete.

Y – Youthful

Stay young for your kids.  I didn’t say immature.  I said young.  Your kids have so much life bundled inside them.  Share it with them.  Have fun with them.  Be willing to live with them. To dream with them.  To seek adventure with them.  To get caught up in the story.  Being youthful is not about neglecting your parenting responsibilities and trying to be their best friend.  It’s about staying full of life, wonder, and passion.

Z – Zealous

You need to be fanatical about your family.  You need to protect them.  You need to love fiercely.  Be fanatical about protecting their hearts.  Be fanatical about feeding their minds.  Be fanatical about filling them with love.  Your kids and your wife  need to know the intensity of your love.  Don’t ever think they know it well enough.   Keep showing them.  Keep telling them.  Don’t let anyone or anything steal the treasure of family.  Ever.  Don’t let anything between the bonds of your love and commitment.  Family is a blessing and you are charged as chief protector.

I hope these past 8 days have been helpful and that you will be encouraged with ideas to grow as a father.

The A to Z of What Good Dads Do (RSTU) Day 6 of 7

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Day 6 post Father’s Day.

L – Love (everything starts here)

A -Attitude

B – Best Effort

C- Courage

D – Discipline

E – Encouraging

F – Faithful

G – Gracious

H – Helpful

I – Imaginative

J – Joyful

K – Kind

M – Modeling

N – No excuses

O – Observe

P – Perseverance

Q – Question

R – Reliable

A good dad is a good dad all the time.  Your kids should be able to count on you because you’re consistent.  They wont be surprised or have to guess how you will respond because you are reliable.  Through all seasons of life your kids need a dad they know they can go to.  A dad who always has their back.  A dad who will always be true.  Through your reliability you teach your kids how important it is to be reliable so that others can count on them too.
S – Safe
Every kid needs to be protected.  Protected from the obvious and sometimes not so obvious.  Your kids need to know that you will protect them.  That no matter how dangerous the world is that dad will fight for them.  That you will keep them safe.  That you will provide comfort.
 T – Thankful

A good dad is a thankful man.  He is thankful for his family, for his job, for his needs being met, for freedom, for laughter, and for love.  He is thankful in his actions, in his speech, and in his attitude.   Life is better when you’re thankful.  Teaching your kids to be thankful is a character trait that  will serve them all their lives.  Their life will be richer regardless of their income when they’re thankful.

 U – United

A father should also be a leader to his family.  It is your responsibility to pull everyone together.  You should have a vision for where your leading your family and for making each member an important part.  It’s in unity that your family will live at their greatest potential.  Everyone is on the same team, pursuing the same things, and holding each other up.  It’s your job to lead the troops.

The A to Z of What Good Dads Do (NOPQ) Day 5 of 7

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Day 5.  From the top.

L – Love (everything starts here)

A -Attitude

B – Best Effort

C- Courage

D – Discipline

E – Encouraging

F – Faithful

G – Gracious

H – Helpful

I – Imaginative

J – Joyful

K – Kind

M – Modeling

N – No excuses

You are responsible for you.  You can’t blame others for your actions.  You have to choose.  Will you be a victim to your circumstances or will you overcome?  Your children will pick up their cues from how you respond to your circumstances.  If the world is against you your kids will think it’s against them too.  If they see you overcoming challenges they are more likely to overcome as well.  Take ownership for your life and help your kids take ownership of theirs.

O – Observe

When your children talk cut out the distractions and listen.  Listen beyond the physical vibrations rattling your ear drums.  Look them in the eyes.  See their posture, their motions and their face.  Notice how much information their body will tell you.  What is being said beyond words?  As you know more than 70% of communication is non-verbal.  If you aren’t paying attention there is a lot you are missing.  Be present when you’re with your children.  Begin to really see them.

P – Perseverance

Life is an endurance sport.  It can be a challenging and tiring activity.  It takes a lot of energy.  There are a lot of surprises.  There are a lot of disappointments.  Your kids need to understand that life will not treat them fairly, but if they can persevere life can be tremendously rewarding.  It’s in struggle that they will find beauty.  It’s in darkness that the sun will rise.  Show your kids that despite the weary battles they will have to fight that life is worth living.  It takes guts.  It takes getting back up on your feet.  It takes planting one foot in front of the other.  Show them how.

Q – Question

One of the best ways to learn about your kids (or anything for that matter) is to ask questions.  Become curious about your kids.  Ask open-ended questions that get them talking.  “Tell me about…” “what do you think about…” “how would you…”
Find the things that are interesting to them and ask questions.  After you ask listen closely.  Kids will tell you all kinds of things if you are curious enough to ask.

Reading about being a good dad is easy.  Writing is easy.  Practicing is hard.  Keep practicing.  Ready, set, go!

The A to Z of What Good Dads Do (IJKM) Day 4 of 7

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Welcome to day 4.  Let’s review what we’ve covered so far.

L – Love (everything starts here)

A -Attitude

B – Best Effort

C- Courage

D – Discipline

E – Encouraging

F – Faithful

G – Gracious

H – Helpful

I – Imaginative

The mind is a beautiful thing.  We were made to create.  Children love to use their imagination, but sometimes modern conveniences can get in the way.  YouTube, TV, Xbox, or a variety of other fun (but distracting) things can slow down your child’s ability to be imaginative or creative.  Many kids minds are consuming more than they are producing.  Take the time with your kids for creative play when they are young.  Stretch your imagination as well.  Be curious about the world with your kids.  Encourage them to explore.  To wonder.  To read.  To study.  To dream.  When your mind is engaged new and wonderful things that otherwise would remain hidden open up to you.  The future depends more and more on ideas to grow.  Being imaginative and innovative isn’t just about having fun, but a practical tool for their adult life ahead.

J – Joyful

Time with your kids should be joyful.  As the father you can set the tone for the family.  Let them see that you can enjoy life.  That life together is an adventure.  Dive into the activities your kids like doing.  Have fun with your kids.  Laugh often.  Try new things.  Don’t take yourself so seriously.  You can decide to have joy.  It’s a choice, not a feeling.  When you choose joy the feelings will follow, but it starts in your head.  When there is joy in your home your family will want to be together and stay together.  Make joy a priority.

K – Kind

I will admit that the word kind can sometimes sound so weak, especially to a man.  But let me make the case for why kindness is so important for dads to teach.  Our world can be extremely harsh.  It can be a cold and lonely place for many to live.  Many people didn’t choose these harsh conditions.  We must teach our children that we are not the center of the universe.  Other people aren’t actors in a story about us.  It doesn’t take an ounce of energy to be selfish.  But kindness is powerful.  Compassion is strength when no one else will stand for the weak.  Gentleness is strength when no one else will give to the hurting.  Tenderness is strength when no one else will listen.  We can have a huge impact on others through our kindness.  We can literally change someone’s world.  Show your kids the power of being kind.

M – Modeling

Your kids are watching every move you make.  What you do trumps what you say every time.  Be aware of what message you are telling your kids through your behavior.  Is it consistent with the values you are trying to teach?  You are a role model to your kids whether you like it or not.  Be a good one.

The A to Z of What Good Dads Do (DEFGH) Day 3 of 7

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Before we get into day 3 of what good dads do here is a quick review.

L – Love

A – Attitude
B – Best Effort
C – Courage

D – Discipline

I won’t go into the specifics of how you discipline, but this is a fundamental job to parenting. Your kids are born with a bent towards being selfish. They need your instruction (based first in love) to know what is right, what behavior is acceptable, and how to become a healthy functioning person. They need the consistency and protection of your discipline. It is necessary.

E – Encouraging

A good dad encourages his kids. Your children are desperate for your attention and approval. You have a very special relationship to them and ability to feed their emotional needs. Take the time to notice their gifts, abilities, talents, and interests and encourage them to grow in them.

F – Faithful

Your kids need to know that you are committed. Committed to them and committed to your family. If you’re married they need to know you are committed to your wife. Our culture has become less and less committed to just about everything, except ourselves. Commitment has become something to be avoided if possible and personal freedom is to be pursued as first priority. Your faithfulness to your family gives your kids a great sense of security in which they can develop healthy relationships throughout their life.

G – Gracious

Your kids will make mistakes. Have some grace for them. Give them the benefit of the doubt more often than not. Gently correct them when they’re wrong. Help them to grow with kindness and through an abundance of love.

H – Helpful

Give your kids a hand with the tasks they are working on. Work with them on house projects, cleaning, fixing, or whatever it is you do. Show them that a family works together and helps out whenever they can. Remember we are all selfish by default.  We learn to help others.  Kids learn best by watching their dad.

Here is to another day to practice being a good dad.

The A to Z of What Good Dads Do (ABC) Day 2 of 7

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Yesterday was Father’s Day.  Instead of just stopping at a celebration for dad we decided Father’s Day should be a reminder to reevaluate what being a good father is all about.  We started yesterday with the letter L.  L is for love.  This is where it all begins.  Love is the prerequisite for everything else.

Today we will go further and cover A,B & C.  If you’re a dad I encourage you to do more then just read these, but to practice them. Fatherhood is not theory.  It’s all about practical application played out in your own home.

A – Attitude

Attitude is always a choice.  No matter what life throws at you your attitude is controllable.  The best way your kids will learn to have a good attitude is by watching you.  If you don’t have a good attitude it might be time to start making strides to change that.  All things equal someone with a winning attitude will end up on top.  Give them that gift by keeping your attitude in check.

B – Best Effort

Life is not about being better than everyone else.  It’s about being your best.  Doing your best.  Trying your best.  I would rather teach my kids to always give their best effort than to have them striving to always be first.  There is much more to life to enjoy that you miss when you’re always trying to out do everyone else.  Instill this mindset in your kids and again it’s best taught if you’re living this way too.

C – Courage

Fear has a death grip on our culture.  We are afraid of everything.  We fear losing our jobs, losing our money, and losing our keys.  We fear being laughed at, criticized, or corrected.  We fear politicians, germs, and intimacy.  We fear being afraid.  Maybe your family has a lot of fear too.

What your kids need is an example of someone who is courageous despite the presence of fear.  I’m not talking about the base jumping type or snake handling kind of courage (although I guess it could be).  I’m talking about someone who is willing to take a risk when there is something they want.  Someone who will stand up for what is right.  Someone who won’t back down from a challenge even though it may make you feel a little uneasy.  Your kids have too many influences telling them what to fear.  They need you to be brave and to show them how to live courageously.

Maybe you feel far from being a good example of these traits for your kids.  You may be thinking, who am I to try and teach these things I fail at everyday?  Don’t let that stop you from making the right changes.  Today you can head down a different path.  Find a way to practice Attitude, Best Effort, and Courage (ABC) today!

Tomorrow we have more alphabet to cover.  Get your practice in and get ready for more.

Being a Good Dad From A to Z – (Day 1 of 7)

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Being a father is an important and never ending job. Whether you’re a new dad, a grand dad, or a step dad you have a big job to do. Children look to their dad for guidance, strength, and direction. Too many dads have squandered their position for less than they could be. Much less.

If you spent any time looking at Father’s Day cards this past week you probably found plenty focused on TV, beer, flatulence, burps, the lazy chair, and other displays of selfish, immature, or disconnected behavior. Greeting cards aside most people don’t have to think too long and hard about a flailing father.  No doubt being a father is a tough job but far too many aren’t even showing up to try.

Thankfully my dad is someone I do love and respect because of his commitment to our family. Taking care of his kids is his top priority and it has shown clearly over the years. I’m so grateful for my dad.

But this isn’t a post about who’s a good dad or a bad dad. It’s about being a better dad no matter how you currently rank.

Instead of wishing you a Happy Father’s Day and setting the subject aside, this year I thought I would extend the holiday for the next seven days.  No, this isn’t a ploy to gain seven extra days to collect more neck ties or grilling gadgets.  This is about what dads can give, not what they get.

For most family’s Father’s Days is a time to celebrate dad with a barbeque, golf, or an afternoon off from yard projects, but I think Father’s Day is more significant.  Celebrating dad and making him feel special is important, but there is more.  I think Father’s Day is a great time for all father’s to reflect on their role and what it means to be a dad.  It’s a day to focus on your family.  Today is a day to prepare for a year of fathering ahead.  This year can be your best. Interested in joining me?

Here’s the deal.  My kids are almost 4 and 2 so I easily relate to elementary topics. So to take this journey into better fathering let’s go A to Z on the topic. Over the next week I will show you the ABC’s of being a great dad.

Let’s start at the beginning, of course, with the letter L. L? Why L?

L is for love. It all starts with love. It all ends with love.  This is your first and most important job.  Without love nothing else matters. Everything you do needs to be motivated by love no matter what the task.  If it isn’t than forget it.  You aren’t being a father.  You’re being something smaller.  Your kids can’t afford for you to be small.  Be big.  Be full of love that extends unconditionally.

Being a father will call you to be many many things, but love must always be the foundation.

Over the coming week I will go A through Z on being a great dad.  If you’re a good dad already, fantastic.  Hang with us this week refocusing on your role and how you can serve your family even better.  If you struggle being a good dad this can be your fresh start.  Now is the best time to begin.  It isn’t too late.  The past is past.  Make it right.  What you do now is what matters.  Join us for a week focused on being the best dad you can be.

Sick Son, No Fun

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My little man Colin is sick.  I hate when the kids aren’t feeling well. Their energy is zapped. Eyes are pathetic. Smiles disappear. They become so helpless.

As their father it’s my pleasure to take care of him. To hold him until he’s comfortable. To pray for his healing. To be there for him.

His fever broke late last night (I looked at him around midnight and he had sweated so much it looked like he just climbed out of the bathtub). He is resting still and I’m hoping his body is ready this morning to tackle another day in his usual rambunctious way.

Taking The First Step

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The first step to taking the first step is to take the first step.  You must move.

Your circumstance will partly determine what that first step should be, but taking it will always require action. 

It may be a question you need to ask, a phone call you need to make, a book you need to buy, or a plan you need to draft.  But whatever “it” is it certainly is more than do nothing.

What action will you take?